I’ve seen a bunch of people who just got back from WWDC posting advice on how to have the best time possible. I figured I should do the same thing. Here are my tips.

Don’t get in the keynote line early

Even if you want to sit near the front, you don’t need to get in line until around 8:30am. It’s really easy to just run and push past all the submissive nerds and get an awesome seat.

Live-blog the keynote

People who aren’t at the keynote would much rather read you repeating Steve Jobs’ announcements sentence-by-sentence on Twitter than watch a live feed with pictures. Also, other people in the audience who are following you will love reliving the moment when they look through their tweets later on.

Complain about the food

You paid a lot of money for tickets, which entitles you to demand customized gourmet meals. Food should be the main concern at any tech conference, and if you aren’t absolutely overjoyed by what you’re putting in your mouth, you aren’t getting your money’s worth.

Don’t silence your phone before a session begins

I know they ask you to before every session (and you should roll your eyes and say “do they have to say this every time?” when they do), but they’re really just forced to say that by law. In reality, all the speakers helped make these devices, and it’ll make them proud to see you using them. In fact, feel free to quietly answer your phone right in the middle of a talk. No one will notice.

Code during sessions

There are very few places in the world where you will have the opportunity to write code. A conference that you paid $1600 to attend is one of these places, and you should take advantage of that. Besides, you can just watch the session videos later.

Don’t go to any parties afterwards

You’re probably better at programming than the other attendees. Meeting them is pointless, and won’t be fun (and all the parties charge lots of money for alcohol, especially at Apple’s beer bash). Also, your hotel room is another one of the aforementioned few places in the world where you can code, so you should stay there and do that instead.

These tips will guarantee you a quality WWDC 2012. Also, don’t read any other WWDC tip posts, they’re probably trying to troll you.